Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Exhaustion

January 29th

We planned on taking a two hour nap...we slept from three to ten so seven hours but I knew if we went to sleep I wouldn't wake up.  When we woke up we listened to music and I wrote my blog (on paper because my laptop :[)  We watch The Mist, Sex and the City 2 and half of Kate and Leopold.  We attempted to sleep but didn't until 7 am.  The time transition is really a dozy.  Again we set our alarm for 11 but we sleep until 5.  Not a waste to me though because I feel so exhausted.  After showering in a bathroom the size of a kitchen cabinet...during which the hot water was out and the drain clogged forcing me to rinse my hair in the sink, Shena and I leave to buy groceries at the French walmart - LaClirque.  No its not 24 hours but you can get baguettes for .44 euros and surprisingly I could read a lot of the products.  After dropping off the groceries at the room, we catch the bus downtown to look at the light show on the Cathedral of Amien.  Lights are projected onto the sculptures and reliefs of the cathedral facade to pant them the way they once were.  There is a recoding in French but it is hard for Shena to interpret so we just look and listen to the music played over a loud system.  The arches remain constantly lit while the rest of the facade changes though projects of clouds, to the cathedrals architectural lines being highlights, to the whole of the facade being bathed with color (my favorite).  The mix of the rain, the music and the beautiful is overwhelming and brings me to tears.  I wish my parents could see it. 








Cold and really needing a bathroom we go to a kabob place to use the bathroom and get food.  Because its still a holiday the buses don't run past nine and the walk back is around 45 minutes, we get our food to go, brad a bus home and stay in. 




We have to get up early to get into Paris so we have to go to bed.  I write and read while Shena plays music and looks at apartments and jobs.  Night time  has always been hard for me but even more now.  I really wish my laptop worked so I could text Bradey and my family.  All of Shena's music is about going home and while I'll have three more weeks when I get back, its a cruel reminder that I have to leave again.  Don't get me wrong, I love being here with my best friend in the world!  But I almost wish I could have gone into Italy not knowing exactly how hard this is going to be.  I try not to cry.  I don't want Shena to think she is a bad host or anything of the sort.  I lean my head back when its overwhelming and hope my tear ducts will suck up the tears that are escaping.  Maybe I jumped into the study abroad decision to quickly.  I don't want to chicken out.  I am excited!  But still terrified.  the months have flown by.  It feels like yesterday I was saying I still have two more months to adjust to it.  I don't think its really something you can prepare for though.  The waiting is torturous.  It feels like a bad dream I keep having every night.  I want to do things but I also want to spend time at home.  So by 11 I have this awful feeling in my stomach that I have wasted yet another precious day.  then my parents go to bed and I sit down stairs and try to keep from crying.  Usually I can't sleep until 3 and by that time I am so emotionally and physically exhausted that I pass out.  I don't know how this all will pan out but I can say without the shadow of a doubt that his will invariable be on of the most difficult experiences of my life to date.  On the bright side, when I distract myself its almost like I am still home.  Needless to say I will get a lot of reading done. 

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